Regret

Once I stepped on the ground,
I floated.
I could not find a shelter.
No place needs me.
No one needs me.
I am all alone.

Once I looked upon the flashing images in my mind,
I was upset.
No one understands me,
despite all these years.

I am handicapped and a disabled,
although it looks normal outside.
My hearts hurt,
My eyes sore,
My body aches,
I am tired.

So tired.
Pleasing everyone around,
Acting like a clown,
Smiling like an idiot,
I am a fool.

I turn around,
but all my footprints are gone.
I look back,
but there is no one.

I chose,
I choose.

Loneliness

I stood alone at the crossroads,
shivering and chilling.
With a sweater on,
it was still cold inside.

I searched for signboards,
to show me the way.
Nothing was there.

Only one pair of footprints was on the ground,
deep and deep.
I was alone.

Doing things all by myself.
Taking critics and laughings and jokes all by myself.
I kept saying: I'm fine. No worry.
And the words were killing me,
slowly and softly.

Though the sun burns and melts me,
I am still cold inside.
Through laughters and a silly sense of humour,
I always a participant of masquerade parties.
With mask and make-up on,
no one knows me.

Can imagination become real?
Can dreams come true?

Maybe...
Just maybe...

Just walking

I want to run, like an athlete, to shine myself in the Olympics.

But, I cannot run.

Even a 50-metre distance is killing me.

So, I just walk, walk and walk.

I never run. Just walk. Alone.

 

The real thing

I've been in dreams for decades,
my soul never wants to wake up.

I've been listened to the crowds,
my heart bitterly follows.

I've been ignored by the people,
my mind knows it well.

Now, in the dark, I walk and breathe.
Only shadows understand every posture,
moon listens to the hopeless sighs,
stars see through the loneliness of an empty body.

Mask is on my face, always.
The real thing, never been found out.

一直很想说。。。

时间飘得很快，有时连日期都忘了，只知道我一步一步走进迷宫似的，失去方向。目前的我，方向只有一个，那是理想的大道，梦想的回收厂。大道上，一个人作战，是孤独与无助的。就算有其他的同伴，而且人数不少，却找不到一个知己。是我太孤僻了吗？还是大家都不喜欢我呢？不想再去猜测人的城府有多深，因为最终伤害的是我自己。

打从走进大道的那一刻起，就后悔了。怎么会毫无犹豫地一头栽进去呢？没有鼓励，只有冷漠无情的批评与责骂。丧失了斗志，也迷失了自己。原本的耐心好脾气都逐渐消失，不想再做好人了。因为被无视的感觉很难受。

大家总把事情描述得很漂亮或简单，却不知道当事人的痛苦与委屈。华丽的背后，是辛酸。对的事被忽略，错的事被放大。自由是奢侈的。

当初，就应该要有勇气逃出去，去外头闯一闯。就算跌得遍体鳞伤，只要是自己喜欢的，都无所谓。现在，只有前进的路能走，因为回头看也是徒然。

如果幸福来敲门就好了。。。

Dreaming in reality...

I have many dreams.
They never come true, as time flies away silently.
I am lost in the jungle of critics, rudeness, unreachable high expectation...

Dreaming is wonderful, as it brings me happiness.
Reality is cruel, because I am nobody.

While I am building my dream castle,
Loneliness is the created environment,
Music will be the bricks,
Arts act as the decoration,

Dance is the furniture,
Food makes the roof.

Dreams...never die...